Me, I'm a typical mom. Since day one I've always wanted to make sure the kids are as comfortable as possible. When they were babies I always had tons of pacifier chains lying around in case I needed to calm them down. And even now as older kids, if anything upsets them to the point of tears, I can't help but doing everything I can to be there for them.
My husband on the other hand, while he is completely loving towards the boys, he also feels that as older kids that they should work out their own emotions. "Let them cry it out alone a little," he'll say, but I can't stop myself from going over to give them a hug and kiss. I don't want to encourage whining cries, but when it's over something real I've always wanted to make them feel better.
Well, according to science, turns out I'm right. This article in The New York Times on crying is very interesting. Especially this part:
"Those whose parents were attentive, soothing their cries when needed, tend to find that crying also provides them solace as adults. Those whose parents held back, or became irritated or overly upset by the child’s crying, often have more difficulty soothing themselves as adults.
“Crying, for a child, is a way to beckon the caregiver, to maintain proximity and use the caregiver to regulate mood or negative arousal,” Dr. Nelson said in a phone interview. Those who grow up unsure of when or whether that soothing is available can, as adults, get stuck in what she calls protest crying — the child’s helpless squall for someone to fix the problem, undo the loss.
“You can’t work through grief if you’re stuck in protest crying, which is all about fixing it, fixing the loss,” Dr. Nelson said. “And in therapy — as in close relationships — protest crying is very hard to soothe, because you can’t do anything right, you can’t undo the loss. On the other hand, sad crying that is an appeal for comfort from a loved one is a path to closeness and healing.”
So: hug your kids when they cry!sumber dari: kidsbeddingblog.com
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